Learning About Me

Learning about myself has been a journey. A journey that I am still on and will be for a long time. I have learned so much so far. It has all been accomplished with a lot of self love. I have learned how strong I am, how beautiful I am, and how important it is to make time for yourself. It takes a lot of time and work to learn about yourself. I have never loved a journey more than I do this one. (Aside from the journey with my soon to be husband!) It has been so fulfilling to find myself and go deeper in my own self than I ever thought I could.

Suffering from severe anxiety has always hindered me from getting what I wanted from myself and out of life. I was on medication until about 3 years ago. But I stopped taking it because I didn't feel like myself. All I did was sleep and I could hardly get out of bed at times. So it put me into this depressed, zombie like state. It was like my body was in one place and my soul was in another. I had my anxiety under control until about a year and a half ago. We moved into our first purchased home together on April 13, 2017 and he proposed the same day! We were so excited and nervous all at the same time, getting engaged and closing on our first home the same day! But that excitement quickly turned into stress and worry.

It turns out we had a horrible foundation problem and didn't know it because somehow our home didn't get inspected. Long story short, we even went to a lawyer because it was so bad. There was nothing they could do for us because of all the paperwork and we bought it "as-is". We had a contractor come to our home to see how much it would cost to get it fixed. They told us $10,000 for a pump and 2 piers to hold up our foundation. That was also if we tore down our fully finished basement ourselves, it would save is about $5,000. (Turns out that was not us saving money, it was a salesman trick.) This story sounds wonderful doesn't it? The day comes and the guys get here to start the work. The actual contractors say, "There is no way we are doing this work with only 2 piers." We are like "UMMM, what...?" We had to get a total of 10 piers which cost us $23,000 worth of work that we have to pay for out of pocket. (This story is getting somewhere, promise.)

All the things that went wrong with our home just kept piling up. (There are tons of other things that happened but it would take paragraphs and paragraphs to explain it all.) In the middle of all these issues my fiance was working out of town on the river for 28 days at a time, so I was home alone worrying myself to the point of exhaustion about everything. Everything literally sent me into severe panic attacks, thunderstorms, any sound the furnace/air conditioner downstairs made, if the pump was draining all the water like it was supposed to, huge sink holes in the yard, etc. You get the picture, right?

January 2018 rolls around and I have decided I can't take anymore of literally feeling like a crazy person. It was putting a strain on my daily life, our relationship, and my family. It was horrible feeling the way I did. I finally got back on a new medication and my head finally cleared up. 1 year and 3 months later, I feel like a brand new person and we have had so many changes happen for us. Some good and some bad, but I can finally handle things like a person should instead of having constant irrational thoughts that you can't seem to stop.

All these things that happened to me in my life really helped shape and mold me the right way. I feel like a new person and finding myself has been a happy, wonderful journey that I will continue for a long time.


Thanks for reading!