October 2018 was one of the most beautiful months. Or at least I thought it would be.
October 4th.
2 weeks before our wedding, we confirmed by ultrasound that I was in fact pregnant. I was measuring 6 weeks and 3 days. I couldn’t contain my excitement and I cried when I heard that little tiny heartbeat. Those 2 weeks were the most amazing weeks. Knowing that I was pregnant was such a good feeling and we were so excited we couldn’t stand it. Garrett is so amazing I can’t even express it. We had this feeling of closeness we have never felt before. Seeing him that excited about being a dad literally brings tears to my eyes. Every feeling I’ve ever had about him came to the surface and loving him more than I ever could.
October 20th.
Our wedding day, the most exciting day of our entire lives and something I was waiting for since that day in 7th grade health class when I put my eyes on Garrett. I knew that day I was going to marry him. It rained on our wedding day and they say that it’s good luck. I was so nervous all day and I know Garrett was. He was very strict about us not seeing each other that day. And I am so glad he made that decision. The time finally rolled around for me to walk down that isle and see the love of my life. And the soon to be dad of my child. The doors opened and I looked into his eyes and I just wanted to run up that isle and give him the biggest hug. But I looked him right in the eye as I walked down the isle. I kept thinking, “That is my soon to be husband.” I just couldn’t begin to describe all the feelings I was having. Excitement, joy, happiness, anxiousness, nervousness. The list goes on and on. We said I Do and we began our vows. We could barely get them out because we were both choking up the whole time. I had tears of happiness in my eyes and I couldn’t wait to kiss my husband. Finally, Mr. and Mrs. Arnett. The rest of the evening came to a close fast and we went home to pack for our honeymoon.
October 21st.
We were on our way to the honeymoon in Gatlinburg, TN. I had never been so I was excited. I couldn’t wait to spend 5 nights with my childhood sweetheart. This was our first REAL trip together and it meant so much to me. We worked hard for the trip and saved money for this. We took everything into thought and packed carefully. We took our dogs with us because they are our babies and we wanted them there with us. 4 hours later we made it to our cabin safe and sound. We were completely exhausted and the dogs were on edge and confused about where we were.
October 22nd.
We spent the day shopping around. And we were feeling happy and excited to finally be relaxing after planning a wedding and finally being husband and wife. We got tickets to the Comedy Barn and I wanted to go so badly. But our day slowly started going downhill. I started having some cramping and bleeding which is normal during pregnancy but it scared me. I didn’t really know what was normal and what wasn’t. I called my doctor and luckily he was the one on call. I talked to him and he said to go to the local ER if things got worse. I started having terrible, scary thoughts run into my mind. I pushed it aside and kept telling myself it was nothing and to not worry. We ate and went to the Comedy Barn and laughed a lot. It was honestly super fun. The cramping and bleeding started getting a little worse and Garrett said, “Miranda, I feel like we should go to the hospital.” I agreed but I was the most scared and terrified I have ever been in my entire life. We check in at the local ER and as you can imagine the wait was FOREVER long. It was 2 hours but I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to make sure the baby was okay. Finally we get registered and then finally a bed. They did all the normal things. Drew blood, had an IV port just in case, and asked me tons of questions. My mind was running and I didn’t even know how to feel, think or even how to talk. The night went on and I just knew something wasn’t right.
October 23rd.
The hospital ER stay was long and gut wrenching. We were in the ER for awhile into the night. They did a vaginal ultrasound which seemed like it took forever. Garrett could see the screen but I could not. He said he could see the baby. It’s hands, its little body, and bones that were starting to form. He couldn’t see the heartbeat because the tech doing it was moving so fast. I held back tears and Garrett held my hand. I had this feeling and I knew something wasn’t right. It had yet to be confirmed if there was good or bad news. He wasn’t allowed to tell me anything good or bad till a doctor read the ultrasound. That took a long hour and a half. I fell asleep because I was so tired I couldn’t hold my eyes open. I woke up to the doctor coming into the room. Garrett saw the look on her face and it wasn’t good. She sat down next to me and said, “I don’t have good news for you. We couldn’t find the heartbeat.” My heart sank. Tears just ran down my cheeks. I looked at Garrett and he grabbed my hand. She continued to talk to me and educate me. But I heard none of it. All I could think about was the fact that my baby was gone. I just kept shaking my head that yes I understood. She walked out of the room and I lost it. Garrett grabbed me and sat on the bed with me and I sobbed. We both sobbed. I have never cried or felt that heartbroken in my entire life. We were devastated. I was so lost I didn’t know what to do. We composed ourselves, the nurse took the IV port from my hand, and gave me all my paperwork. We walked to the car. Garrett and I got in the Jeep. We sat in silence and just cried. We said no words. We just cried.
October 24th.
After we heard the most devastating news just hours before that we didn’t know what to do. We talked a little and Garrett took care of me. Like he always does. We slept later because we didn’t get back to our cabin till about 4. We decided to get up and try and enjoy our day. I cried off and on most of the day, trying to hold back tears and not upset Garrett. We had tickets for the Dolly Parton Stampede that evening and we decided to go because we spent about $130 on them and there were no refunds. I was cramping and bleeding pretty badly. We finally got to the dinner show. We ate and watched the show. But the cramping got worse and I went to the bathroom during the show 2-3 times. I liked the show but I couldn’t wait to get out of that place. We stopped and got the prescriptions the doctor sent me home with. The cramping was so bad I couldn’t handle myself. I was bent over in pain. We finally got out of CVS and got back to the cabin. I have never felt pain like this in my whole life. Garrett felt helpless but he was by my side the whole time. Held my hand, rubbed my back, and sat by me the entire time. Little did I know, I was in so much pain because I was passing the deceased fetus. I will save all the details about that and leave it at I hope nobody ever has to experience that. We sobbed and held each other after that. Holding your best firiend and husband after something like that made it easier to experience.
We decided to try and have the best time we could on our honeymoon. It was so much fun honestly. Other than the sad parts. Garrett and I didn’t talk about it much. We just comforted each other in silence.
This blog post was easier for me to write than a Facebook or Instagram post. I want people to know because being congratuled about it is super hard. We don’t want anyone to feel sorry for us or tell us how sorry they are. Because even though this was the HARDEST thing we have ever experienced it was meant to happen. There was reasoning behind it. And as hard as that is to remember, its the truth. We are okay but we are sad and completely lost. But we have each other and that is all that matters to me. This is something we don’t talk about to each other and it is not something we want to talk about with anyone else. The only person we wish to discuss this with is my doctor.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It means the world to me.
October 24th.
After we heard the most devastating news just hours before that we didn’t know what to do. We talked a little and Garrett took care of me. Like he always does. We slept later because we didn’t get back to our cabin till about 4. We decided to get up and try and enjoy our day. I cried off and on most of the day, trying to hold back tears and not upset Garrett. We had tickets for the Dolly Parton Stampede that evening and we decided to go because we spent about $130 on them and there were no refunds. I was cramping and bleeding pretty badly. We finally got to the dinner show. We ate and watched the show. But the cramping got worse and I went to the bathroom during the show 2-3 times. I liked the show but I couldn’t wait to get out of that place. We stopped and got the prescriptions the doctor sent me home with. The cramping was so bad I couldn’t handle myself. I was bent over in pain. We finally got out of CVS and got back to the cabin. I have never felt pain like this in my whole life. Garrett felt helpless but he was by my side the whole time. Held my hand, rubbed my back, and sat by me the entire time. Little did I know, I was in so much pain because I was passing the deceased fetus. I will save all the details about that and leave it at I hope nobody ever has to experience that. We sobbed and held each other after that. Holding your best firiend and husband after something like that made it easier to experience.
We decided to try and have the best time we could on our honeymoon. It was so much fun honestly. Other than the sad parts. Garrett and I didn’t talk about it much. We just comforted each other in silence.
This blog post was easier for me to write than a Facebook or Instagram post. I want people to know because being congratuled about it is super hard. We don’t want anyone to feel sorry for us or tell us how sorry they are. Because even though this was the HARDEST thing we have ever experienced it was meant to happen. There was reasoning behind it. And as hard as that is to remember, its the truth. We are okay but we are sad and completely lost. But we have each other and that is all that matters to me. This is something we don’t talk about to each other and it is not something we want to talk about with anyone else. The only person we wish to discuss this with is my doctor.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It means the world to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment